Wednesday, August 31st 2011

Jeremy Wills in Medical Anomaly. Doctors Baffled.

DMFC are a proud bunch of committed athletes.  This much is proven this season with a sterling first effort in TSSL Division 1.  Thus, when the coaching staff receive notice of players with health problems, it is taken very seriously.  Languid hipster, Jeremy Wills, was hit with a terrifying experience this past Monday.  His usual pain-killing drug of choice, Advil, had alarmingly ‘just stopped working’ – he sent this communication at 6.11pm, less than 3 hours before kick off:

‘Terrible news. Ankle swollen. I can’t walk, let alone run and play… Just stopped responding to the advil.’

Terrible news indeed.  Mr Wills had been jumping, laughing and playing – hopped up to the eyes on lovely advil and just having a great day when suddenly, the usually reliable drug ceased to have a medical response in his body.  The cessation of Advil’s potency left him not only in pain, but unable to WALK with a swollen ankle?

Pfizer, the makers of Advil, were as surprised as we were.   They concluded that Jeremy Will’s immune system is so powerful it can just reject medicine and stop painkillers from working.  It’s even more remarkable when you consider these powerful painkillers were, up until 6.11pm that day, working so well, that they made an ankle which no-one could not walk on, feel absolutely fine and good enough to play football that night.

Further tests are required to investigate Jeremy’s eccentric health.  At this stage doctors remain perplexed, but are hopeful that drug responses ranging from the unbelievably good, to the unbelievably bad, will be less frequent for the rest of the season.

Wednesday, August 31st 2011

The romance of the cup – DMFC 2 AC Chargers 1 (aet).

A great game at Cherry Beach this Sunday with one of the goals of the season from new addition Jamie.  A free-kick from fully 30 yards bent into the top corner.  Lovely stuff.  The introduction of Alic Edgar added a somewhat maverick style to a previously robust defence, as we let in a goal on the counter attack.  Locals noted that Alic had a stench of hooch about him and looked a bit ‘bambi’ on his feet.  Thankfully a neat move in extra time from Jeremy to Ryan to Mark avoided penalties.  On the whole DMFC won the game in every area of the field and deserve their spot in the last 16 of the cup.

Thursday, August 25th 2011

Mark Gomes available to play Sunday.

In response to the request ‘In or Out for Sunday’? Mark Gomes was generously positive, replying that he knew it was a big game, but he had some deep shit to deal with.  A second mail from Mr Gomes revealed that he was actually unsure if he would play, citing further that he may be able to play the game after the next game.  In anticipation of bad news, the DMFC management team did not respond and their fears were met when Gomes, via e-mail communication, confessed fully that he would not play Sunday.  These details had barely filtered through to the rest of the squad, and most did not even know his playing status when, thankfully, another note was received, informing the team that he would probably play.  At this stage it looks good, but sources at the club disclosed that while they are hopeful of an appearance, the likelihood of multiple additional mails examining further permutations of availability, remains high.